Ashtanga has a bad reputation as a practice that lends itself to frequent and persistent injuries. Oftentimes this is true…
Injuries from adjustments are a common topic of discussion in the Ashtanga community. The intention of adjustments is to help practitioners find their way toward the expression of a posture that they might not initially be able to find on their own. This might mean nudging someone farther in a forward-bending posture. Or it might mean helping someone balance in headstand. That support could eventually give confidence, or it could cause harm.
Harm caused by teachers who are over enthusiastic to put the student deeper in certain poses. I’ve seen many teachers trying to forcefully make students catch their ankles in wheel, where it’s clearly visible that the student’s forearms are resting entirely on the floor – I mean obviously, the body is not ready yet for “catching” as it’s still not open. If it were, the forearms would be off the floor. It is truly disappointing to see that occurring and I truly believe that such adjustments should stop.
My injury was caused by an adjustment in 2016. A renowned teacher was trying to clasp my hands behind my back in Supta Kurmasana (tortoise pose from the Primary Series) and I heard a ‘KHHH’ tear like sound. I wrapped up my practice and left the shala with immense pain in my shoulder and since then, I began seeking a remedy to heal.
Prior to resorting to conventional science, I went for alternative medicine. Over the years, I saw 2 Osteopaths, 1 Etiopath and a few Chiropractors. All of whom assumed that this pain in my shoulder is related to my neck; either due to unconscious grinding of my teeth at night or a disc in the C-spine. As the pain persisted and the modalities which I’ve explored did little to no help – I then went to visit a traditional physician specialized in Orthopaedics who also assumed that the root of the pain is coming from the neck.
I finally went for my first MRI and report showed that my neck is perfectly healthy and my C discs are aligned. The doctor prescribed a course of anti-inflammatory to ease the discomfort…
After the medication ended the pain resurfaced…part of me got sick and tired of seeking remedies after the several failed trials and another part was thinking maybe it’s emotional or energetic; I should stay put and continue practicing…this too shall pass…it will ultimately dissolve. But it didn’t. I was fully aware every single moment of every day that this injury is still very much here.
For 8 years, I learnt how to live with this sensation as if it’s part of me. I would honor my limitations and, on some days, modify the postures to keep my practice sustainable.
In 2022, while I was in Mysore, India doing daily high “catching” the pain amplified. I returned back from my travels with an inflamed and immobile arm. I rushed to see a doctor (obviously not the same one I saw in 2016) who requested that I do a shoulder MRI.
I was finally diagnosed with a 9.5 mm tear in my left Supraspinatus (a tendon in the rotator cuff). The doctor put me on anti-inflammatory and asked me to report back on how I feel post course coming to an end. Fast forward 2 weeks, I return to the clinic with the same persistent pain – we then start Cortisone Injections that do nothing really but numb the pain and fool the mind. 2 months later, I return to the clinic with the same persistent pain…
The doctor now prescribed physiotherapy and surgery.
It took me a whole year to accept, digest and process the idea of surgery. I promised myself that I would do anything and everything possible to heal myself before heading into surgery.
My physiotherapy journey began in 2023. I did shock wave therapy and daily elastic band exercises which most definitely helped ease the pain but did not eliminate it entirely as the root has not been attended to and a torn tendon does not reattach itself on its own.
All throughout these months, I continued to practice with awareness. Modifying where I should, stopping where I needed, taking days off when I had to…the sensation was manageable…it remained to be a part of me.
In summer of 2023, I enrolled myself at SYC and decided to go back to India, to the source of Yoga but this time with an intention TO HEAL. I had a talk with my teacher Sharath Ji on the first day of registration and shared my story. He was compassionately understanding and throughout the 2 months kept a close eye on me giving me the space and time needed.
…But the pain persisted…
After 8 years of living with discomfort, I finally gathered the courage and strength to overcome my fears, belief limitations and doubts – I finally decided to surrender to surgery. I realized that I couldn’t live with this pain anymore. I no longer enjoyed the physical practice, especially backbends, as the pain was triggered by all arm behind the head postures; I couldn’t sleep at night from the sharp burning sensation and my day-to-day normal movements became quite restricted, due to weakness incurred by a slight lift of the arm.
Why was I doing this to myself? I kept asking. Why must I live with this pain? And until when? I’ve already tried almost everything and nothing worked. My conscious was clear. Before I wrapped up the season in Mysore, I promised myself that in the New Year, my set intention is: TO HEAL.
In January 2024, I went under the knife. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and finally accepted the reality. It’s been 2 weeks of recovery and I already feel zero pain. A feeling I haven’t felt for a very very long time. My rehabilitation will take some time but with the right amount of efforts and patience all will come. I have made peace with my journey, and all is unfolding as it should. I keep reminding myself that “I am already healed”. The worse is over and from here on a new version of me will emerge.
No asana practice for the next couple of months but I am gladly taking this time off to recover entirely after many years of practice. I am now focused on mobility exercises, dedicating more time for my meditation and pranayama practices, deepening my philosophy studies as I continue to also teach.
When the time comes, I will return back to my asana practice, but for now; I am here and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
LESSONS LEARNT:
- Never stop practicing. Modify appropriately. The ability to adapt and maintain your practice through challenges and hard times is one of the most important mental disciplines in Ashtanga.
- Know your body and learn to say “NO”. When teachers come up to adjust you please communicate. If you are feeling unwell or stiff on a particular day request not to be assisted.
- Use props and let your students do the same (it’s a misconception that in traditional Ashtanga Yoga props are not allowed). In fact, Sharath Ji allows it. He allows students to use a bolster when learning drop backs, he hands over a towel (instead of a strap) for binds.. and the list goes on.
- Traditional medicine is not so bad! Do not be afraid of surgeries; yes do avoid them and try less invasive remedies to heal but if the situation requires that you admit yourself then trust your instincts and your doctor. Do your research!
In closing, let your injury become a lesson in awareness as a practitioner and a teacher. A chance to slow down and grasp the practice, rather than an opportunity to run away.
This path is not meant to be easy, it is meant to be difficult. Practice tends to present struggles simply to make us stronger. It finds the weak spots in our minds and bodies and holds them up to us. Be kind to yourself, be gentle, practice ahimsa (non-harming), but do not be lazy. It is not about how much we do, it is simply about moving a little.
Ultimately one day we are going to lose most of the asanas we can now do, as we age. The practice is a relationship that we have with ourselves and over time we will experience difficulty, pain, sadness, joy, love…because if we are in any relationship for long enough all of these things arise. That is part of the commitment to this practice. Don’t get attached to any of this or to how good or bad you perceive your asana practice to be. After a while you will find you are just the observer of it, the watcher of this moving body…
Pain is an opportunity to really understand this practice. Use this chance wisely, without pushing away, no aversion, no clinging…. this is the path to liberation on a much broader level.
The yoga sutra 2.16 (Heyam Durham Anagram) means all future known suffering should be avoided, so if you know you’re creating pain, then you’re not doing yoga.
I send out my deep love and gratitude to my family. Without their support and care I wouldn’t be healing at this incredible pace. Thank you for taking care of me during this phase.
Love heals always – in all ways,
Shakti